兄弟仲が悪いのは親の育て方にもよる・The reason for being on bad terms with brothers depends on their parents’ way of raising children.

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兄弟や姉妹の仲が悪い原因のひとつに、
親が差をつけて育てたケースがあります。
そういう場合の兄弟の不仲は治らないと思います。
母親は特にある程度年をとってくると、
自分の死後は兄弟で仲良くやってほしい、
と、願うようになります。
しかし、育て方をミスると悲惨な未来が待っています。
　長男と次男のケースで親が差をつけて育てた場合、ほとんどと言っても過言ではないほど、兄弟仲が悪くなります。兄弟ともに結婚していて健康ならいいのですが、どちらかに障害や病気があって結婚できなかった場合、親としては自分が死んだ後も兄弟で仲良くやってほしいと思うのはごく自然なことです。

　しかし、タイムマシーンで過去にもどってもう一度幼少期からやり直すことはできません。こういう場合はどうしたらいいのでしょう？　親が子ども達を平等に育てなかったことに気付いて、自分の子ども達は仲が悪い、今後付き合いはないだろう、と諦めるしかないと思います。兄弟の助けがなくても病気や重い障害がある子は、福祉を利用すれば一人でも生きられます。

　よくあるケースを紹介します。必要な家族会議をする時、親が長男及びその嫁だけと話し合いをして次男を話し合いに呼ばない、長男と話し合ったことを次男には知らせない、というバカ親がいます。どのようにして親の面倒を看るか、入院が必要な時はどこの病院にするか、まさかの時にはどこで葬儀をするか、など、親が全てを長男夫婦だけと話し合うのはおかしいですよね。こういう親は子供が幼いころから一事が万事こういうやり方を取ってきた人がおおいです。

　長男とそのお嫁さんに将来面倒を見てもらおうと思っている親は大きな間違いに気づきましょう。今の時代では親と同居する家庭はほとんどありません。複数の子どもに差をつけて育てると、相続の時にも大変なことになります。お金があれば高級な老人ホームに入って、楽しく快適に過ごすのがいいのですが、日本人の老後は年金が少ないため、ほとんどの人が悲惨な老後を送ることになります。

　年寄りって、石頭ですからね。昭和初期ころに生まれた人は、親と同様にまるで明治・大正生まれのような頭になっていますから、長男夫婦とだけ仲良くしておけばいい、と思っているのです。子ども達がみんな独立してマイホームも買っているのなら、親は自分の年金や貯金は好きなように使ったらいいと思います。子供には葬式代を残しておくくらいでいいのでは？

　今まで、家事をこなし、社会のために貢献してきたのですから、老後は遊んで暮らしてОKですよ^^。特に親の面倒を看ない、と宣言している子供に大量に遺産相続するなんて馬鹿げています。死ぬまでに使い切れないほどお金があるなら、生きている内に遺産分割をしておくことをお勧めします。

　ほとんどの老人は、「うちはそんなにお金を持ってないから大丈夫。それに、ウチの子にかぎって相続で争うことはありえない。みんないい子だから」と思っているのです。息子の後ろで嫁が糸を引いていることに気付きましょう。子を持つ親は遺産分与を行って、さらに遺言状を書いておくことをお勧めします。人に言うのも恥ずかしいほどの小さな土地でも、争うことになるケースが多いとよく言われています。

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エッセイ・随筆ランキング

The reason for being on bad terms with brothers depends on their parents’ way of raising children.

　One cause of being on bad terms with brothers and sisters is that they raised their children by a long shot. In this case, brothers’ and sisters’ disagreement will never improve. A mother wants children to get along with each other, especially after they reach a certain age. But if a mother mistakes how to raise her children, a tragic case is waiting in the future.

　Most brothers will be on bad terms when a mother raised the eldest son and a younger brother by a considerable margin. There is no problem if both brothers are in good health and married. Suppose one of the brothers is suffering an intractable disease or having a physical disability. In that case, it is quite natural for a mother to hope that all children are getting along with each other after she dies.

　But we couldn’t return to the past with the time machine and start all over again from childhood. What should we do in this case? The parents should notice that they couldn’t raise their children equally. And they should accept that their children couldn’t get along with each other or they will never have a relationship forever. There is no choice but to give up the excellent relationship with her children. Even if they have no help from his brothers, a child suffering from severe illness or physical disability could be alive with the help of welfare.

　I will introduce a typical case. If a mother holds the necessary family meeting only with the eldest son and his wife and doesn’t include the younger son in any discussion, what feelings does the more youthful brother have? A mother giving the eldest son special treatment is foolish, didn’t she? Don’t you think it is pretty strange to meet only with the eldest son?; How we should take care of our parents. What hospital we should choose in an emergency case. What funeral director we should request, etc. Don’t you think it is stupid that parents always are talking only with their eldest son? Many stupid parents making the same mistake seem to have done many things in this way since their children were young.

　The parents who want the eldest son and his wife to take care of themselves in the future should notice their idea is a big mistake. Few parents live with their children in this day and age. When the parents give an inheritance to their children, the partition of the estate will be severe because they didn’t raise their children equally.  It is nice to be admitted into an ideal retirement home to enjoy and live in comfortably if you have enough money. But we Japanese could not receive enough old-age pension. Most Japanese older men and women will spend their miserable last days.

　The older men are pigheaded. A person born in the early Shouwa has the brain as if it were like a person born in Meiji or Taisho. Therefore, they think it is OK to have a good relationship only with the eldest son. If their sons already have their houses and are married, I think it is all right for the parents to spend their pension or deposit as they like. Don’t you think it is OK for their parents to save money only for their funerals?

　The parents have contributed to society doing the housework, etc. So it is OK for them to lead a life of pleasure in their old age^^. It is stupid to leave their children lots of inheritance even though they declared that they wouldn’t care for their parents. I recommend the heritage division while you are alive if you have the money that you would never spend in your life.

　Most older men and women say, “We are all right because we don’t have so much money. Besides, my children are the last persons who would quarrel for heritage. All Our children are good and kind”. The parents should notice that your son’s wife is controlling your son. I recommend that the children’s parents have the heritage division and leave a testament while they are alive.

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エッセイ・随筆ランキング